Rigo came to WIN when he was three. His preschool was on the verge of expelling him for biting and hitting other children, his teacher and himself. His mother, Mara was overwhelmed. It was no surprise to her that the preschool was concerned: Rigo lashed out hourly, hit and kicked her, and frequently screamed that he “hated” her. She felt she had no way of stopping his angry tantrums—he was acting exactly like his father—and she didn’t know how to cope.
Rigo’s father had been physically abusing Mara for years when Rigo was born, and from his first week of life, Rigo witnessed his mother being beaten and degraded. Although Mara gathered her strength and escaped when Rigo was two, the impacts of the violence on Rigo’s developing brain had already become clear: he was both withdrawn and aggressive. Furthermore, before Mara found work, she and Rigo were homeless and isolated—and this instability took further toll on the family.
Rigo’s experiences had shown him that relationships were about violence and control. He felt angry and frightened. Mara was so weakened by the abuse she had suffered throughout her life that she found herself sinking into the victim role even with her son. She was depressed and too embarrassed to seek help—but when Rigo entered preschool, his behavior became a concern for everyone, and Westside Children’s Center referred mother and son to WIN.
WIN-dedicated case manager Kara began intensive services with Rigo at school right away, on skill building, interaction with others, and academic support. She helped Mara identify their needs for community support and linked her with WIN partner agency services such as food pantry and a domestic violence support group. Kara’s screening tools revealed that Rigo had many areas of developmental concern, and Mara was experiencing a high level of parenting stress.
WIN therapist Yesenia began weekly visits to Rigo and Mara in their home. Right away, they started to reduce Rigo’s aggressive behavior by establishing rules, limits, rewards and consequences. Mara struggled to assert herself after many years of abuse, but she wanted to improve her relationship with Rigo so much that she was able to make genuine changes. The more her parenting skills strengthened, the more respect Rigo began to have for her and the better he was able to control his strong emotions.
Yesenia worked on strengthening the attachment between mother and son. Rigo learned that touch could be loving and comforting—like hugging. Yesenia also found that Rigo was a natural with symbolic play and it became a great outlet for his feelings and memories. Initially, his play consisted of aggressive male characters dominating and killing mother and child characters—sometimes the child characters would also kill the mother. Rigo’s expressions of frustration and violence through play frightened his mom, but Yesenia helped her tolerate them and understand that they were a helpful part of the process. Yesenia and mom began to introduce police characters and a jail, and a new ending began to emerge in Rigo’s play. Now the mother figurine is able to save the babies and take them to safety, while the abuser is locked in jail.
Rigo just had his fourth birthday, and there is a lot to celebrate: his preschool has stopped calling with concerns about his violence, and his relationship with his mother has strengthened enormously. Therapy helped him reframe his view of himself, of his mother and of relationships—his world is now a safer place where love and comfort have taken the place of violence. Mara allows him space to express his feelings and frustrations, while keeping consistent limits in place. Through WIN, Rigo is securely attached to his mom, and is now developing typically and ready for kindergarten. Mara is a confident, loving parent to Rigo and doesn’t feel as stressed or anxious—and WIN has helped them set up a basic safety net of services for the future. At their last therapy session Mara talked about all the changes: “Now I understand Rigo, I can relate to him, and I’m no longer afraid of him.” Like the figurines in Rigo’s play, they found a happy ending to their story.